RIP Greebo

Well he died after our second attempt at feeding.. just didn't swallow the stuff, instead inhaled. We found this out by trying to rub him warm and saw milk come out of his nose. Hope I didn't drown him; he was very weak and wasn't even crying anymore.

Don't really know how I feel about it; logically, he was only a day old and probably was going to die anyway, but I think my emotions are fighting the logic on this one. I don't know how I "should" feel, which is more the point. Never had a death in the family.. wasn't there when my rabbits had to be put down, and the first litter Twilight had where one of them died was the last to be born and it was 4 hours after the first two.. think he just died before being born. So he wasn't alive when I saw him. I actually held this one, felt it suckling my finger, cried for Mummy.. kinda blows.

Trying to look on the bright side - we now have fewer kittens, albeit only one, so after Christmas-ish we'll only(!) have seven. Going to get them all done at some point in time so they can just go outside. If they want to come back, they are free to do so, and vice-versa. I like my little fluff bugs, even if some of them aren't little anymore.

Watched Juno and thought it was quite a cute film; just to my taste. Still wish I'd been brought up in America. But then I think of how I would be like if I had been, and whether I'd be the same or similar to how I am now. This is ignoring the obvious, like I would never have met Zachary (or I might have, given the number of Americans I know on IRC. I could have gone to uni over here and met him anyway, in the same way as I did). I don't know what I'd be like.. maybe a little more cynical, or less? Can't really be that much more cynical about the world and everything that's in it than I am now, surely. I might be happier.. or maybe that's the wrong word for it. Nah, I know what I'd probably be like. I'd be on so many behavioural drugs I wouldn't feel a thing. Would I be a better person if I didn't have my massive lows, or indeed my "wappy" phases? Would I function better in life and work and social situations if I didn't have my stresses? Would I have been diagnosed earlier and get a better education with learning mentors and the like? I just don't know.

This always goes through my mind when I watch modern teenage American films/television. Just like when I watch Lord Of The Rings and I want to be there.

So, in conclusion, let me list my cats, in name and age order, and family status:

• Twilight - 2 1/3 years
• Shakespeare - 1 1/3 years (Twilight's son)
• Sister - 1 1/3 years (Twilight's daughter)
• Tundra (Twilight's son, deceased at birth)
• Bernard - 5 months (Twilight's son)
• Grendel - 5 months (Twilight's son)
• Pennywise - 5 months (Twilight's daughter)
• Grey kitten yet to be named - 1 month (Sister's son, Twilight's grandson)
• Charcoal and white kitten yet to be named - 1 month (Sister's son, Twilight's grandson)
• Vanilli - possibly, according to family he's going to - 1 day (Twilight's son)
• Greebo (Twilight's son, deceased 24/09)

Think I might go to bed. That would be a good idea.

Felidae

Yesterday morning Twilight had her third litter: two boys I believe. Now, Twilight is a bit dumb. I say a bit, just to be nice. She decided that her daughter's kittens were hers too, and picked one up to put in the drawer she gave birth in (the one where all my skirts were.. now are ruined.. thanks twig). Cue a battle for milk.

Sister (Twig's daughter) had her babies 4 weeks ago, so they are chubby stubby cutiepies but with claws that can rip. These claws ripped one of her newborns, and we could see skull. Not really knowing what we could do, we went to the vets. She gave us the option of putting it down, or she could see if she could glue the skin together and put him on antibiotics. There was no way I wasn't gonna give the poor guy a chance. So, £47 later we now have a glued-up kitten. Twilight started rejecting, either because of the smell due to the vet or he was simply cold and weak. Either way, we spent hours warming him up and trying to get him to latch on. It worked, and he was fine when I left for work today.

When I came back, I went up to see how the little guy was, and saw one of the fat kittens in the drawer, with tiny black kitten in the corner weak and cold! Bloody Twilight! So for the past few hours we've been playing surrogate, after trying to get him to latch on (think he was too weak), and he is now cuddled up on Zachary's belly.

Later on, we will try to reunite him with his mum, and be determined to keep the little kittens OUT of the bedroom! If that doesn't work, we will have to take it in turns through the night to feed him and keep him warm. Poor thing.

We are going to call him Greebo, after the Terry Pratchett Discworld cat, because if he survives he will have massive scars on his head and neck!

The other one is absolutely fine, and is going to our friends as a wedding/Christmas present, if they like him!


Today has been bizarre.. I started off in a really bad mood, not liking anything or anyone, and even came to shout at ppl at work because they were being arsey as well. Right now, I am worrying about Greebo and sitting here with two small kittens sleeping on each side, with a lard-arse Bernard on my lap in his normal position when I'm computer-ing. Grendel is sleeping on the arm of the sofa, whilst Shakespeare is sitting on the footstool doing his fake sleep thing. Greebo is sleeping on Zac's tummy while he plays on the PS3! Hopefully all will be well, and he'll survive, but things aren't positive today (at least in my mind).

Been trying to shake this negativity off in general, but it's really been hard today. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Fingers crossed, eh?